fest your eyes on this....

An illustration featuring the kind of films you may find at Fright Fest.

Can it really be 12 months since FrightFest last darkened Glasgow's doors with it's heady mix of horror, action, fantasy and filth filled filmic fun?

Well obviously it must be seeing as tickets have gone on sale for their 2013 extravaganza.

And what a weekend it promises to be.

If only because Dale Fabrigar and Evette Wallin don't have a film on this year.

Or  Anthony DiBlas.

Thank fuck.

But what it does have this year are the UK premieres of the Eli Roth starring disaster movie Aftershock, Neil Jordan’s vampire vision, Byzantium starring the yumsome duo of Gemma Arterton and Saoirse Ronan plus what's been quoted as '...his darkest horror yet..." (which probably means he shot it by candlelight in an attempt to look arty), yup Rob Zombie has taken a well earned break from raping our childhoods with his newest romp THE LORDS OF SALEM.

A still featuring Mrs. Zombies bottom.

Expect copious amounts of unnecessary sexual assaults, animal masks and close ups of his wife's arse.  

But you can't have everything.

Also unleashed on the UK for the first time is the mega-anthology alumni  The ABCs Of Death as well as the cult Chilean thriller Bring Me The Head Of The Machine Gun Woman, found-footage fun from Barry Levinson with The Bay, US trick or treat documentary American Dream and the Scottish set Sawney: Flesh of Man, which should be interesting seeing as my own Sawney Bean script has been doing the rounds like an aged prostitute to no avail for the last ten years.

Bitter?

Me?

A photo that may - or may not - feature The Machine Gun Woman.

If that wasn't enough there's school based zombie fun with Detention Of The Dead and for all us uber geeks there's a Saturday morning outing for the newly restored version of Mario Bava’s classic horror anthology Black Sabbath.

Tissues not supplied.

The other Black Sabbath, tho' they did take their name from the film so I guess that's OK.

Finally, as an extra added treat, the lovely FrightFest fella's have grabbed the entire first season of hit Norwegian TV treat, Hellfjord for our viewing pleasure.

See seven of Norway’s finest directors (yes, there are that many!) team up with writer/producer Tommy (Dod Sno) Wirkola’s Nordic nuthutch that mixes the good bits of Twin Peaks with a snatch of Hot Fuzz and added horse killings in the series that Norwegian critics described as "Politimannen Salmander mister jobben i Oslo og må tilbringe oppsigelsestiden i Hellfjord, et høl av et sted langt nord i landet. Med en gang han ankommer Hellfjord begynner det å skje merkelige ting, og det tilsynelatende rolige stedet viser seg å skjule mørke hemmeligheter".

And if that doesn't get you excited I don't know what will.

Except my mum obviously.